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Healing + Clearing: Fear of Others' Perception


Business goddesses, spiritual entrepreneurs, anyone building a career on their own terms! This one’s for you.

Tell me if this scenario looks familiar:

You have a business, or a side hustle, or some dream that you’re designing behind the scenes. It’s important to you, and you’re trying to get it moving. Or maybe you’ve even started gaining some momentum, but you don’t feel ready to fully claim this thing you're doing. Because it’s not quite where you really want it to be yet and you’d rather not have it judged just yet, in this unrefined, imperfect state.

So eventually, you realize that you’ve taken it about as far as you can go without putting it out in the universe and owning it publicly. You’re going to have to start networking, connecting with others, and advertising your services if you want to continue to build your influence. You tiptoe out there, maybe throw up a new cover photo with your social media handles on it. Maybe you add a quick blurb about what you do to your Facebook profile. And then you tiptoe right back behind your computer, because—gasp—now all the things you were quietly working on are 100% visible! Too much, aaaggh!


Everybody on your friends list is going to see all this stuff. Your friends list, which is full of extended family, parents from your kid’s playgroup, that woman from the gym that you kinda want to be besties with, your best friend’s sister and her friends—all kinds of people. And what if they don’t get it? What if they don’t like it and think you’re totally weird?

First of all: people rarely care as much as you think they do.

If they’re decent people, they’re not going to sit and laugh at you. (And if they’re not decent, maybe it’s better to be armed with that information so you can delete them, block them from seeing your posts, whatever.) In fact, there's a high likelihood you may pique their interest, especially if you’re passionate about what you’re creating and it’s something new to them. And if what you share resonates, they may even end up buying from you. Or sharing your content. Or using your ideas to begin thinking about themselves and their lives in a different way. (Sales are cool and I love money, but it is indescribably rad when others start to recirculate ideas they heard from you.)

Baby step it, if you need to.

I went through my Facebook friends list. I honestly looked through every single one of them, prepared to delete anyone from whom I caught an “ick” vibe. What I realized was that this fear of “all these people” isn’t really founded on anything. The people I have on my Facebook at this point are mostly people I interact with somewhat regularly, who already know and like me. Whether or not my posts are their thing, I don’t feel like any of them would think less of me for it.

Originally, I had twice the amount of Facebook friends, mostly leftover acquaintances from high school and college. I may have been right to question people like that. A lot of them were not a positive presence in my life.

But I weeded out those people when I realized that if I couldn’t be comfortable sharing pictures of my kids and tidbits from my life with them on Facebook, they really weren’t people I wanted to know.

I wanted the circle around me clean and as drama-free as possible. I've hidden friends/posts that feel energetically draining. I've unfriended people who aren't people I would want to emulate. I make a point of holding better boundaries for myself when it comes to what I consume online. I can care about someone and disagree with something they say or do, because it's not about me and I don't need to take on that emotion. And because I don't take it personally, I am highly selective about what I will and won't choose to engage.

I highly recommend this approach, by the way.

Go through and make note of anyone who gives off a weird or untrustworthy vibe.

I usually choose to immediately delete those people. I'll also usually hide people who don't exhibit self-control online, because that energy honestly feels very invasive to me. I can still have a positive relationship with those people; I just reached a point where I realized that it is 100% justified to simply disengage when the other party is violating boundaries, and yes, that includes energetics of the online space.

If it’s family members or people you still have to deal with (who may stir up trouble in response to an unfriending), then take them off your timeline and hide the visibility of your posts from them. You do not have to provide a platform for disrespect. Your pure, fully-expressed energy is the prize, and you are not obligated to provide access to it.

Truly, though, putting names and faces to this abstract crowd of people that I was so worried about impressing did a lot to ease my mind. And it reassured me that I do have some pretty cool people in my life. That’s just an amazing blessing, any way you look at it.

Let's also reframe the way we look at “haters” or people who minimize what we’re doing.

First off, if people who give out nothing but crap vibes want to identify themselves so that we can create better boundaries for ourselves, they’re doing us a favor. And then, once that noise is out of the way, a space is created. What does the universe do with holes and empty space? It fills them in. Set the intention to fill that space with people who love what you’re doing and can’t wait to get on board.

Bam. Expansion and making magic out of the connections that you have now. They’re either with you right now, cheering you on (LOVE those kinds of people). Or they’re helping you identify which kinds of friendships need to go so that you can focus on the ones that truly fill you up.

Either way, someone's dissenting opinion is not a good enough reason to hold back on the sacred work and mission that you have agreed to carry out.

Say what you want to say. Share the things that matter to you. Post when you want to.

Some degree of polarity is good. Yes, that means you may deal with some who don't get you. But it's also the only way to find those people who fall absolutely in love with your message.

I'll take "nope, not my thing" from a few people if it means the yeses are actually "HELL YES, with you all the way!"

You're here for yourself, your purpose, your mission, your people. You're not actually serving them if you're muting, hiding, or muffling your own message.

xo Elizabeth

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